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green_chopsticks
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Name: Reggie
Location: Oregon, United States
Birthday: 4/28/1982
Gender: Male
Interests: Oooh. Soccer, odoru no koto, swingin glowsticks, navigating fretboards, bangin (drums), wrinkling my noodle, RPGs, stars, planets...
Expertise: converting 02 to CO2, oh! being a human power plant, eating, not getting too tipss, REM while awake, and dreaming
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/8/2003
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| It's about that time, I'm about to leave home again. And then leave another home. Again.
I've missed Alaska. And dammit, I wish my family was all here so we could take a family picture ten years in the waiting. But I leave tomorrow, and it's back to the evergreen oasis of Oregon...then to the world across the Pacific.
I wonder, am I running away from something? This thought bites me, mashes me up, and digests me, and I don't think I would be a real man if this was true. Shit, I don't even know what I want to say. Because life could be a lot worse than it is now. I just don't want to be a whiny little bitch about it. But how hard is it for me to say that I wish that I could connect with someone on the real? Surrounded by everyone, but damn, I'm not the same guy in high school, I'm not the same guy that beat Van Wilder's tenure in college...I can't even connect with my housemate because he has some preconceived notion of me that won't ever change.
God, I hate feeling so vulnerable.
But it could be worse. I am a two paragraph hypocrite. Where's my Lego? I just want to connect.
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| Wow, has it been a while? Twenty something hours ago, I just came back from the midnight showing of Twilight.
I was probably the only one in that dark theater who hasn't even penetrated the "forbidden fruit" first flap of that book. Oh well.
But nowadays, life has taken a quantum shift; still quantifiable, still measurable. I'm traveling, and it's fun. A little lonely, but fun. I'd be a lot more fun if I could bounce my thoughts off someone, but hey, not everyone has the time to escape (and make $ while I'm at it!).
In those times, those times where I land at a new airport, walk out, inhale a new city's air, rent a car and zoom off, it's addicting. Just the freedom? I can't believe it. My hands are eager to play with the radio, hear what's poppin in another area code...it's just I have so much time to myself. I've been constantly filling my head with thoughts, but unfortunately, I have no outlet.
But you have lots of friends!
And most wouldn't understand. I want to reach out there, tell my friends that I'm living how I want, living my dream...but then I hear excuses. Excuses to not follow your dreams. Rationalize. Rational lies. Excuses to stay where it's comfortable.
I've never wanted so much to see my people succeed, where inside they have so much talent, latent talent, starved by the drudgery of the 9-5. The big ol' pile of shiftwork. Mindless relationships where the fear of being lonely overwhelms the powerful potential of the individual inside. How do you reach out and awaken the screaming monster within? Aren't we supposed to help the ones closest to us taste the sweet taste of real success? The taste of content right now is not as appealing as the sanguine dream. How do I reach out to the minds that are closed by their own volition?
And it becomes hard, because I don't want to be that selfish. I don't want to think that I'm that selfish; to say that this mindset of contentment is dragging me down. I've never wanted to talk to people so much and hear their dreams, what they envisioned when they were a kid, and how disappointed that kid would be if they saw themselves twenty years later.
My childhood dream was filled with the colors of Isaac Asimov, the rings of Saturn, the moons of Jupiter, and the poisonous blue of Neptune: I wanted to be one with the universe. I'm not there yet, but maybe I'm supposed to explore the rich lands of home before Sinatra flies me to the moon. Maybe I'm supposed to help...
Just a couple of weeks ago in Southern California, I met with a friend I met over the summer. It was kind of a random adventure, nonetheless, delicious. Guppy is good. She had brought her guitar. I knew it'd be an adventure. But talking and listening to her was a pillow for my troubled mind; it was nice to find someone who understood the same struggle.
And maybe that's all I want. Understanding. It's a universal human need, and I'm hungry. It is true, the biggest human fear is ostracism, and I'm scared that I'll be singled out just because I'm following what I want to do. No one tells you that it gets lonely sometimes when you follow your dreams, but I rest assured that I'm living according to my principles. I don't mind it at all; time will tell. Although it's hard wanting the best for my friends and knowing that I can't help directly, I can only help by letting them be, hoping they realize that they can help themselves.
This is what happens when my thoughts can't flow into another; it builds up and gets thrown up on a blog.
But I can only hope for the best.
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| So, in the insecurity after september 2001...we were made to believe that Iraq had a link to terrorism. Yet, findings strongly suggest that we were strongly misled. What the hell?! Other than that, I'm enjoying Japan supremely. I'm writing this from a Manga Cafe at 4am...I missed the last train. Shit. But it's still fun. | | |
| Stuck in narita airport...again? how cruel. looks like a night here on the seats. damn trains. | | |
| Vietnam has been fun, but man...after that, the 18th of august,
it's Singapore, and maybe Japan. Holla back, young'n. whoop
whoop.
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